Healthy Living
By Gerry Meyer
2005

It seems that we are bombarded daily with admonitions on how we ought to live, what we ought to eat or not eat, what we can eat today that was bad for us yesterday, while climatic changes, which have happened since creation, are no longer natural but completely due to our destroying the ozone layer, etc. etc. etc.
Did you ever consider what your life might look like if you heeded all these warnings seriously. I’m not suggesting any of these things are bad, but when taken all together, how would my typical day look?

Let’s see:

5:00AM Jump out of bed refreshed from a good night’s sleep and hit the shower with the trickle of water from the water-saving shower head. Turn water off while lathering and washing hair.

5:15AM Sit down to a bowl of bran mush in skimmed milk, and of course a piece of fruit. Eat slowly, counting the number of times I chew so that the food digests properly. Brush teeth.

5:30AM Spend the next 45 minutes in a time of devotions and prayer. Drink a full glass of water during this time.

6:15AM After slipping on my running shoes, specially designed for my feet and workout style, jump on my bike and peddle to the local gym for a good, 45 minute workout, followed by a peddle home again. Drink a glass of water.

7:15AM Take another shower and, how about a piece of fruit and glass of orange juice? Thoroughly rinse mouth of any possible sugary particles. Brush teeth if time permits. Go to the bathroom for the second of many visits due to the volume of water being consumed.

7: 40AM Put on my orthopaedic shoes and walk to the train station for my public transit commute to downtown Vancouver. Before leaving, check to see if the sun will be shining, so that I can put sun screen in my bag and take a hat along.

7:50AM Board West Coast Express, and say a prayer of gratitude to the taxpayers who help fund this. Spend the next 50 minutes either evangelizing the person next to me, or, if they close their eyes to sleep, which is likely, stimulate my brain cells by doing crossword puzzles.

8:40AM Disembark train and resist the temptation to take the skytrain to the office, walk instead.

8:55AM Arrive at the office and prepare to start work at 9:00AM, at my ergonomically set up work station, but not before going through a mental battle about whether coffee is really good or bad for me and whether it really would make me more alert at this time. Have a glass of water instead.

10:15AM Coffee break. Time for a nice glass of V-8 juice and carrot sticks.

12:30PM Salad break! Include some raw veggies and fluorinated water. Brush teeth. Go for a short walk downtown, remembering to don a mask first, to avoid the car fumes.

1:00PM Back to work.

2:00PM Take a short, 10 minute nap just to see if anyone notices.

2:30PM Call up a taxpayer and make some jokes about their present tax situation, since laughter is very healthy for body and soul.

3:00PM Time for indulgence. Eat a small piece of dark chocolate, but not before explaining to everyone within listening range that you are giving in to temptation even though you shouldn’t, and estimate how many calories you are eating and how long a workout will be necessary to offset it. This ensures that this will not give me too much pleasure. Make sure to get rid of the decadent taste of the chocolate with one or two glasses of water.

5:30PM Having not been able to start work until 9AM because of my schedule, I have special permission to work beyond normal office lockup time of 5PM.

5:45PM Having taken all the security measures necessary to protect confidential taxpayer information, and protect valuable government assets like laptops and 20 year old calculators, and having spent 10 minutes watching my computer shut down due to all the security measures, its time to go home to my family!

6:00PM Having walked to the train station, wait for train to leave at 6:20.

6:20PM Train leaves station for the 50 minute ride home.

7:20PM Walk through the front door at home, and greet family with open arms. Take a quick inventory of spouse to ensure hair hasn’t been cut or dyed, or that she isn’t wearing any new clothing items. If so, state how good it looks.

7:30PM Apologize to family for raising your voice. Explain that I haven’t had coffee all day and beg their forgiveness.

7:35PM Sit down to eat vegetarian leftovers from supper, complimenting spouse on the food. Express gratitude that raw veggies can stay so fresh tasting, and that one can never get tired of salad. In addition to a glass of water or milk, enjoy a glass of Chilean red wine. Be sure to end meal by brushing teeth and spend a good 10 minutes flossing.

8:00PM Do dishes and other household chores.

8:20PM Family quality time. Spend time talking to family members individually, giving them several hugs, stating at least twice that I love them. Make sure to tell a few jokes (proper ones) as well, because laughter is very good.

8:50PM Prepare for bed. Brush and floss teeth. Confess to spouse that I had a piece of chocolate today. Give all family members a hug and make sure no one is mad at me anymore.

9:00PM Start my 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.