Vacationing Tips
By Gerry Meyer
October 1996


A strange thing happened to me recently. I was watching the summer quickly slip away and recalling the “olden days”, when September meant going back to school and writing those “How I spent my Summer” stories. Senility being what it is, I felt this strange urge to document my summer exploits once again. With pen in hand, I proceeded to peck at my keyboard. (Using a pen helps in the transition from pre-historic days to the present computer age.)

This past summer I loaded up my wife and two children into our camperized van, and, together with a sister and her husband, George, began a long journey south. It was uneventful but educational. (As I recall, these stories are supposed to be boring.) Some of our experiences may help you prepare for your next trip.

Before going on a long driving trip, be sure you are well equipped. Some of the less obvious items you should take with you are a good supply of oil, since older vehicles tend to use a lot of oil when going through high mountain passes, or driving under hell-like conditions, some anti-freeze, a good window detergent, and a bicycle helmet. When purchasing anti-freeze, buy the one in the container which does not have a hole in the bottom. It can take up to two weeks to remove and dry up a litre of anti-freeze in a carpet, even in +100oF weather, but while the rest of your vehicle may overheat from the scorching sun, your carpet should maintain a nice even temperature.

When going on a long trip, the potential for vehicle problems, however, can also be very educational. For example, just past Bellingham we discovered that it is a good idea when getting an oil change to make sure that the new oil you pay for is actually put into the engine. Loud ticking noises and the rattle of an oil cap dangling from the top of the engine are two signs that this may be a problem. Fortunately, this can help solve a storage problem by relieving you of most of the oil you had stock-piled for the three week trip. On a hot day, hold the oil container close to your body when opening it. The heat will allow the oil to cascade out of the top of the open container. This will whet your appetite for when you go to see “Old Faithful”. Run your finger along the front of your shirt and see whether the oil is clean and is a good consistency for your vehicle. Avoid standing beside your spouse during this procedure.

Our trip went well after the above incident, and we traveled without problems for the next hour and a half. After passing through our first mountain pass, and finding that my visibility was being reduced by the smog, we pulled over at a view point. The smog was actually a fine film of oil covering my windshield and the front of my van. A trail of oil led us to our culprit, George’s newly oiled van. Oil was leaking from his van and spraying out of the back. Several cans of oil later, we were on our way again. It was at this point that I felt that traveling with family could cause problems, and we should keep our distance. But, how do you tell a group of bikers that the van they are closely following is giving their precious bikes and leather suites an oil bath?

When driving long distances, it is good to share the driving with your spouse from time to time. Idaho is a good place for this if your spouse only wants to do “relief” driving. It has long, straight stretches of highway and the speed limit is 75 MPH. Be sure your spouse begins driving before you see the sign which says, “Extreme high winds area”, particularly if you are driving a van with a raised roof and old shocks. Vans are good at catching the wind and taking the boredom out of trying to drive in a straight line. I could tell by my wife’s white knuckles that she was really getting into this. After a time however, she weaved to the side of the road, I changed the flat tire, and continued my driving. When changing a flat tire on a very hot day, choose a location where there is no shade. This way, the entire family can share in your misery, making for a great bonding experience.

Utah has a gas station which is very good at changing shock absorbers in a short period of time. A gas attendant immediately noticed that George’s van was not leaning properly and one look at his shocks confirmed that they were totally deceased. Fortunately, they were so excited about making a sale, they didn’t notice mine, which still had at least 100 miles of use left in them. That is until we traveled through the Navajo Indian reserve. I believe that Navajos were actually a seafaring people who got a little too close to shore. This would explain the lack of vegetation near their homes, and the waves built into their roads. While it is nice to get out of the driver’s seat once in a while, I would prefer not to do it while traveling at 80 MPH, and that bicycle helmet would have come in handy, since our van is not a convertible. Several minutes after surfing over these series of waves, the van would slowly return to its horizontal position, or semi-horizontal position, depending on the wind.

The Navajos have a great sense of humour and are agents of hope. They post highway signs which say things like “Caution, wavy road for 20 miles.” About 18 miles down the road, they post another sign which says “Caution, wavy road for the next 30 miles”. I guess they feel it is better present bad news in small doses.

If shopping is your bag, then may I recommend Vail, Colorado. It has many pricey shops, and if you look around, you can find cheap accommodation. We found a gas station which provided free camping on their lot with the purchase of a water pump. This allowed my wife to drag me through each shop several times during the extra time we had found.

Before I left, someone told me that they visited the Great Salt Lake, but couldn’t go into the water because of all the bugs along the shore. While it is true that the shoreline is black from the billions of flies that lay in ambush there and swarm anyone who should venture through them, this need not be a problem. The secret is to stand on the beach, casually surveying your surroundings. Once your spouse passes you, follow closely behind. Do not be concerned when he or she is lost from sight. Simply follow the black column in front of you. When you reach the water, step aside, allowing sufficient room for the flying black mass to make their retreat to shore. Use similar procedures to exit the water.

Yellowstone Park is a great place to visit, and is made even more enjoyable if you like burnt out forests. While in the park, try to avoid being separated from your family by a bear, particularly if your spouse has all of the camera equipment. (This is why you should always travel with other people, so they can take the photographs you would otherwise miss.)
Finally, plan your trip carefully. To keep costs down, plan your driving so that the sun only shines on the passenger side of the vehicle. This allows you to stay relatively comfortable with your window down, without resorting to using the air conditioner, which tends to use up more gas and cause the engine to run hotter than it already does. At no time, however, should you look at your spouse with a smile or make a comment on how it is not as hot out as you thought it would be. It is also advisable to keep sharp objects out of reach of the rest of your family, and if you drive past a Dairy Queen without stopping, be aware that your life may be in grave danger.

Be sure to take two sets of keys along. When the first key breaks inside the rear door lock, (I would recommend a rear door if you have a van like George’s, which can only be locked or unlocked with a key), do not clean off the oil from the rear door, which should by this time have formed a thick coating from a previous leaking incident. Ensure that everyone gets a crack at trying to pry the broken piece out of the lock, preferably during the afternoon while parked in the full sunlight. The oil coating is useful at this point, since it prevents the torrents of perspiration from penetrating each person’s clothing.

In case you were wondering, (oh yes you were!), our trip took us to Salt Lake City, the Grand Canyon, (if you go there, be sure to also see Bryce Canyon and Zion Canyon), throughout Colorado, and Yellowstone. I would rate it a complete success. Having the odd car problem also allows you to stop in places you would otherwise have missed, like Hellhole, Arizona.

As an ex-supervisor, it always amazed me how many of our employees take little or no vacation time during the summer. They don’t know what they are missing. Summer vacations are a great bonding experience, and provide many hours of good conversation with your family and friends. (“You know what that jerk did when we were in…”) So if you are one of them, hit the road and good motoring.